


Mission Report

by whetherwoman



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Gen, Mission Reports, Ronon wins at everything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-10
Updated: 2013-10-10
Packaged: 2017-12-29 00:00:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/998461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whetherwoman/pseuds/whetherwoman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Uh... so I just found this on my computer and it appears to be finished? I think I wrote it in 2006.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Mission Report

**Author's Note:**

> Uh... so I just found this on my computer and it appears to be finished? I think I wrote it in 2006.

“That’s it?” Elizabeth said.

“Yup,” John said. He leaned back, letting one arm rest on the back of his chair.

“Are you sure?” Elizabeth asked.

“Of course,” Teyla said, frowning. “After the meal we loaded the grain samples into the jumper and came back.”

“Right after the meal,” Elizabeth said.

“Yes,” Teyla said, still frowning. “Is there a reason to doubt us?”

Elizabeth leaned forward, her hands steepled in front of her chin. “Let me get this straight. You flew out at 0900 Atlantis time this morning and landed half a mile from the village, which was right where Teyla remembered it was.”

“Yeah,” John said. Now he was frowning too.

“The hike to the village was uneventful. The villagers were glad to see you, needed basic medical supplies, and had excess from their last harvest.”

“That’s right,” John said. “Rodney even entertained us on the hike by complaining about walking a measly half a mile. But for once he shut up when we got to the village.”

“No tech, no talky,” Rodney said. He had been working on his laptop the whole debriefing, and didn’t pause his typing to speak. “I’ve learned not to waste my time trying to communicate with the local yokels.”

“The harvest had just ended,” Teyla cut in. “We arrived just as the last of the grain was being stored, and the villagers were sure that they had more than enough to last until the next harvest. They were eager to trade.”

“So you traded, you received an invitation to a meal to cement the friendship between our peoples, you graciously accepted, and you came home.”

“It was good food,” Ronon said. “Spicy.”

“You all agree that this is what happened?”

“Of course,” Teyla said.

“Yup,” said John.

Ronon nodded.

“Rodney?” Elizabeth said. “Do you have anything to add?”

“Hm?” Rodney said, not looking up from his laptop. “I agree with what they said.”

“Rodney!” Elizabeth said.

“What?” Rodney said, looking up. He looked genuinely surprised. “It was a boring mission, Elizabeth. We went, we saw, we traded, we came home.”

“No underground bunkers?” Elizabeth said. “No mysterious and possibly harmful Ancient technology? No political intrigue?”

“No!” Rodney said. “None! It was boring!”

Elizabeth sat back and tried to look casual. “No rituals?”

“Well,” Rodney said. “Um.”

“I knew it!” Elizabeth crowed, sitting up straight. “I knew there was something you weren’t telling me.”

“One measly ritual,” John groused.

“One boring ritual,” Rodney mumbled, not meeting Elizabeth’s eyes.

“It is a ritual common on many worlds,” Teyla said, tilting up her chin. “John and Rodney were able to contribute a similar custom from your world.”

“Oh,” Elizabeth said. “Really.” She leaned back in her chair. “Tell me about it.”

“Well, I hadn’t done it in years,” John said. He fiddled with his pen. “Rodney was nice enough to help me remember how.”

“It’s not like I’d done it all that recently either!” Rodney snapped, his face bright red. “I just have a better memory than you do.”

John frowned ferociously. “If you’re such an expert, maybe we should have just left you there to do it by yourself!”

“They required us all to work together, John,” Teyla intervened. “It is required of all trading partners during such an occasion.”

“I didn’t see you helping much, Miss Let’s-All-Work-Together. At least not after the fiasco with the oil and the--,” Rodney made a circular motion with one hand. Ronon coughed and Rodney turned on him. “Yes, we all know how terrific you are! Some of us like to work with instructions in front of us, not improvising with the unknown!"

Elizabeth couldn't keep quiet any longer. “There were hallucinogens in the meal, weren’t there? And sex? They made you have sex. All of you at once!”

Teyla blinked. Ronon squinted. John and Rodney looked at each other.

“No, they did not make us have an orgy,” John said carefully. “We baked a cake and sang ‘Happy Birthday’. Teyla here sang a very nice song about cycles and growth.”

“But... but...” Elizabeth looked around the table. “You’re all blushing! You’re embarrassed! You did something embarrassing!”

“It wasn’t a very good cake,” Rodney said, still bright red.

“It was a terrible cake,” Teyla said, looking down at the table.

“They had to throw it out,” Ronon said, crossing his arms smugly. “I made another.”

Elizabeth gaped at him.

“That’s why I didn’t have to sing,” Ronon added. He got up from the table. “We done here?”

Elizabeth nodded dumbly. John buried his face in his hands.

Ronon paused in the door. “They were pretty terrible at the song, too.” He grinned hugely and left.


End file.
